I have 16 children.*

I was behind a mini-van Thursday on my way to school. This van had the family stickers, you know where each person and pet is represented by a little character of some sort. This time it was the Disney ones with the Mickey Mouse ears. There were the mom and dad, and then five kids.

Five kids.

FIVE kids.

What is wrong with people today that they think five children are okay to bring into this world? One or two I get, maybe three, but five? Do you live on a farm and you need the extra hands? Are you Catholic and don't believe in birth control? Do you not know how getting pregnant happens?

Five?

You may think that because I have no children I am heartless, un-American, godless, selfish. I am none of those except maybe selfish--because one of the reasons I didn't have kids was because I didn't want to be someone's mother for the rest of my life. (For other reasons, scroll down--I have listed them towards the bottom.) I think my friends' kids are wonderful, adorable little people, who are creative and funny and super-cute. [As long as they're well-behaved.] I am all for people having children as long as it's not an "oops." As long as they plan for it and understand that their entire worlds are going to change and from then on, they're not going to have much extra money and their entire focuses (foci?) will be the kid(s). Sure, have one or two or maybe three!

Just don't expect me to baby-sit.

For people to be having that many kids today is simply wrong. The earth cannot support this many people for much longer. Not to mention it is freaking scary to think of how bad teenagers have it now. I admit, I was naive growing up and didn't realize that there were drugs in my high school, but think about how it is now with meth everywhere and movies like "Get Him to the Greek" saying that drugs are hilarious! (Don't think I'm preaching about drug use because drugs are cool--but you have to make up your own mind and know the risks before using them.Therefore, the people who should use drugs should be adults.)

So here are my reasons for not having children:

1. I didn't want to be somebody's mother for the rest of my life.
2. I didn't want to be poor.
3. I didn't want to chance passing on Crohn's Disease to another generation.
4. I didn't know if I'd be good at it.
5. With my medical history and all the drugs I'd been on (and used recreationally), I didn't know what that might do to my offspring.
6. I didn't know what a pregnancy would do to my 12-inch vertical tummy scar.
7. Pregnancy scares the shit out of me.
8. Giving birth is disgusting and scares the shit out of me.
9. My husband was on the fence and said it was okay either way.
10. My mother-in-law is a smothering person and I couldn't imagine having her around 24/7 after having a kid.
11. [This is perhaps the most important.] I wasn't sure if I wanted a kid.

That being said, I am a mother after all: to our *three dogs, one cat, rescued gecko, and eleven tarantulas. I am a care-giver to my husband and friends. I am nurturing, loving, encouraging, and giving. I love my life and job and friends.

I have sometimes wondered what it would have been like to have a baby. To have a life growing inside me that was a product of my love for my husband. To have a tiny person running around.

But those thoughts end really quickly when a kid screams in the grocery store or has a tantrum in a restaurant. Then I celebrate my childlessness and rejoice in the quiet solace of my life.