The silent treatment

I love my class. Let me just say that straight away.

I am not usually characterized as shy. I have taken an informal poll of my friends and everyone laughed when I asked them if they thought of me as shy. Then they realized I was serious and said "Hell to the no!"

But I cannot talk in my class. Even though I have the answer that L is looking for. Even though I have opinions that deserve to be heard. Even though I love my class, love learning my craft, and am not normally shy.

Each day, I psyche myself up on the drive to campus. The minute I walk through the classroom door (114!) I am rendered mute.

Tonight was the third class. I have yet to utter a word other than "Here" or make a sound besides giggling (and even that is uncharacteristically quiet). I marveled tonight at a girl who stood in the front of class and read her story out loud. She defended her writing against an informal critique by some of our classmates (but not me! I didn't say anything!). She and I walked the same way by chance after class, and I so badly wanted to tell her that I enjoyed her story. I got her first paragraph even when L said she was confused by it. I wanted to tell her that her intended point of view was not entirely what she'd thought it was, but something like that is easily fixed. So we walked together but apart and there was nothing but silence.